Word on the Street with Stephanie

Hi Baby, There is so much I want to say to you about your sister's birth so I thought I would write you this letter. First of all, Daddy and I love you so very much. The day you were born was one of the happiest of our lives and you have made us better people every single day since then. In fact, it is because you are so special that we wanted to have another baby. Unfortunately, things did not go as we expected and we have had a difficult time since finding out you were going to have a sibling. Mommy had to go through a lot of tests and I cried...a lot. Most of the time I was able to hide it from you but not always. I'm so sorry you had to see me cry. I know it made you worried and sometimes you cried too which only made me feel worse. A mother's job is to protect her child and in that way, I feel like I failed you. Your job is to be a happy, healthy toddler and to play and be worry-free. I'm sorry if I made your job harder for you. I tried very hard to keep my sadne...

Anyone who knows me knows I always have a lot to say. Being at a loss for words or unable to explain myself is not usually an issue for me. Until now. I have discovered that I tend to reassure other people when talking about my baby's health issues. I explain what she has and then say "but everything will be okay" or "we are very lucky that this was discovered during pregnancy" when what I sometimes want to say is THIS IS NOT FAIR. I have two major emotions when it comes to this pregnancy and I have finally decided to stop feeling guilty about one of them. I am sad. I feel as though we have been robbed. Robbed of the happiness that comes with expecting a child, robbed of the joys of feeling the baby move and kick (I still feel happy, but there is always a level of concern that I didn't have with my first), robbed of the excitement of doctor's appointments and planning my child's birth and robbed of that overwhelming love and wonderment that my husba...

Our appointments are scheduled every two weeks since I'm in my third trimester and yesterday was a pretty significant appointment. I have to admit I'm not feeling as optimistic as I have been. I'm sad and I'm scared but first let me review what happened yesterday. When we arrived I went for an ultrasound like I do every time I have an obstetric appointment. Mt. Sinai's high risk pregnancy clinic is extremely busy but I like how efficient it is. I also like seeing my baby grow and getting regular reports of how she's doing. They told me she is just over three pounds and growing right on target which is great news. I was also given a c-section date of mid-March. I was not quite expecting this since at my last appointment I had discussed with the doctor the possibility of scheduling one close to my due date to give my body an opportunity to go into labour. If it didn't happen, then I would go ahead with the c-section but if it did then I would try to deliver h...

Yesterday we had yet another fetal echocardiogram at The Hospital for Sick Children. It was our second of three of these tests and the results were promising. We have been slightly upgraded from Interrupted Aortic Arch to Coarctation of the Aorta. This means that instead of the aortic arch being completely blocked, it is simply narrow; severely narrowed according to the cardiologist but at least it is still open. While this doesn't change the type of surgery our little girl will need once she is born, they did tell us that they expect her to be more stable and spend less time in Critical Care. I am considering yesterday's appointment a win and am confident that we will all get through this. I still have several things to get through and work out in the next 12 weeks but both the hospital where I will deliver and the one where our baby girl will stay are walking me through each step. My appointments are now every two weeks and we have a plan in place for delivery. We are going ...

We ended 2015 and began 2016 running for the toilet as our household was hit with a stomach bug. I have always been a germophobe but vomit takes it to a whole other level for me. Instead of taking my daughter into the bathroom when I saw she was about to get sick, or grabbing a towel or bucket, I just ran around frantically. The last week has taught me that when it comes to having a sick child, I am utterly useless. Thankfully, my husband was able to take charge in that department while I stuck to laundry and disinfecting. I would have doused myself in Lysol if I could but I stuck to cleaning anything I could think of and washing my hands constantly. Lucky for me, we happen to be living with my parents while we wait for our house to be built and my mom helped us a great deal. I am almost afraid of moving out of here and having to deal with a stomach bug without her help. It's a good thing I am almost 7 months pregnant because, for now at least, I can blame some of my craziness on...

I got to see my sweet girl yesterday. One of the good things about having a high risk pregnancy is that you get to see the baby at every appointment. I have already been assured that all of these extra ultrasounds are not harmful to the baby so I have learned to relax and enjoy watching her give the technicians a run for their money. She is so active that they often have a hard time getting the pictures they need. Normally I would apologize but this time around I just smile and think 'that's my girl'. I find these ultrasounds reassuring. I can feel her moving but there is nothing more calming than seeing her move around and having the technicians zoom in on her little heart beating away. I was told that everything looks good and her left ventricle is continuing to grow, although it is still slightly smaller than the right. This is on par with what the pediatric cardiologist told us to hope for because it means they know what they are dealing with and how to fix it. Our ne...

It has been over two months of tests, uncertainty and passive aggressive "suggestions" but we finally have concrete answers. After more ultrasounds than I can count, it has been determined that our baby has Interrupted Aortic Arch and everything else is fine. There was some concern about part of her skull but that has since been resolved. I am now seeing an OB team at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto and while it is a long way to go for regular check-ups, I know that my baby and I are in great hands. They will continue to do ultrasounds to ensure her left ventricle is growing (even though it is smaller than the right side) and as my pregnancy progresses we will meet the neonatal team who will provide round-the-clock care to our sweet girl until she is transferred to Sick Kids. This is the easy part. The hard part will be after she is born. I have already been told that I will only have time for a couple minutes of skin-to-skin contact with my daughter before she is taken for t...